@tshabher — 12/3/2020
...lol........I’ve come to realize how funny and ridiculous I’ve navigated my Hmong identity and positionality. I’ve advocated for visibility and space for reasons that were still rooted in colonialism. I was wanting approval from the white man as I attempted to share my story. I was still relying on this gaze to fill my empty cup. This is the bullshit I was seeking as I tried creating #hmongspace...appealing to the white gaze out of reactionary survival instead of using the gaze with agent-filled purpose.
Seeing our future president and first lady wishing the Hmong community a Happy New Years on social media is surreal. It’s like, yay we finally have recognition from someone from the top! We must be moving forward now! They SEE us! 🙄 lol I’m over it. I can’t help but feel apathetic. I am understanding more now and constantly reminding myself that the work is not about relying on the system that put us here, but about what’s happening in the community right now and how we can partner with one another to reach mutuality through love and hospitality.
It’s no longer about being SEEN for me, at least in the context of where I was coming from before (internalized white supremacy is a bish). Like I said in my previous post, I’m now living into BEING and PRESENCE, away from the structures of transnationalism. I don’t need nor want anyone’s approval in order to move forward. I’m here, ready, and present to do the hard work (this starts with believing in myself which I am learning has been a hard feat 😓 bc trauma). As we continue to partner with those who are also navigating this work, there is no stopping us. That’s what people are scared of...that’s what white supremacy is trying to rid us of. When we live into our true self, it’s over and they know it. Take your time, but there is also urgency in ~doing the work~ 🗣🗣🗣