@tshabher — 7/31/2020
Today is July 31, 2020. I cried laying in my bed last night going into my 29th year. I am pointing this out because for the majority of my life, I didn’t know how to feel in real time. I had taught myself how to stuff my emotions in order to survive and cope with the chaos that was around me. I would isolate and sleep away my emotions.
I wonder if this is why I have introverted tendencies and am also known to be “chill.” I had found solace in my own space because I didn’t have to navigate other people’s emotional trauma that were often dumped onto me. I didn’t speak up because I couldn’t identify with what I was feeling. I didn’t even know how to feel because I was never given a space to process and have autonomy over my own life.
But today, I am learning to believe in who I am by being present to my needs. I am learning to articulate and identify what I am feeling and acknowledging the power in doing so. I am learning to be okay with the process because these growing pains have given me hope. It is a hope that moves me forward, living into my full self.
I am thankful. I am blessed. I am privileged to be in a healing space, surrounded by a community who sees and loves me. I am thankful for another year of being alive and well. This new year feels different and I am here for it. (ps—thank you @irinahuang22 and @stephandornauer for gifting me with these gladiolus. 🌸🥺🌸)
Happy birthday to me, Nkaujtshab Hawj. 💕🎉✨