whole
i laid on the hospital bed
too big for my little body
afraid and confused
not knowing what was happening
i looked at mom and dad
afraid and confused
in my three year old body
still forming and growing
the doctors took me into a cold room
away from the warmth of my family
there was something wrong
unusual sounds came from my chest
murmurings that shouldn’t be there
a hole was in my heart
the size of a dime
in my three year old body
still forming and growing
with sterilized gloves
a scalpel moved across my chest
cutting open my tender skin
a deep red oozed out in protest
while my body laid asleep
a machine pumped my blood
moving through my veins
tubes came in and out of my body
bare and exposed
my chest opened as the doctors analyzed
my heart
finding a hole
murmuring sounds soft and unusual
in my three year old body
still forming and growing
with steady hands
the hole was stitched closed
and a new song came from within
my body let out a big sigh
at the sound of my heart
pumping a new rhythm of strength,
healing and survival
in my three year old body
still forming and growing
i woke up
weak and drowsy
searching for mom and dad
not knowing or understanding
what my body just went through
something felt different
my heart raced clearer and stronger
beating in sync with resilience
a word i had not yet learned
yet there i was
whole
in my three year old body
still forming and growing
a scar was left behind on my chest
between shapes that began to form
as i grew older
reminding me that
in my three year old body
still forming and growing
no longer afraid and confused
would continue to heal
never skipping a beat
while songs of gratitude sang over me
remembering the sweet sounds of
learning from within
carrying my story
in my twenty-nine year old body
still forming and growing
-tshab her
november 2020