@tshabher — 10/8/2020
Everyday I scroll through IG feeling envious of others because I wish I was like the ppl I follow. They’re starting small businesses, working creatively to achieve their dreams while making fun and exciting things. I admire their hustle and drive to make meaningful, beautiful environments for themselves. I understand this is IG and we only usually see the wins....but it still makes me feel some type of way when I think about my own art practice.
Like....I’m rooting for ya’ll, but I also have to remember to root for myself. 🥺
I don’t go as hard for myself and that needs to change in order for me to create fully. I doubt my abilities, I fear failure, I overthink, and therefore stay stagnant. I struggle with starting a project because once an idea is written/drawn onto a notebook, there is an internal dialogue in my mind that doubts the resources, intellect, or abilities I have. The silly thing is....when I DO create and finish a project, I know my shit is good....and nobody can tell me otherwise! 😩😭😂😅 I love the work I create and know I am talented. I just need to start with that same energy when I begin a project and push through.
I cleaned and reorganized my art studio today and it feels good to sit at my desk and sew. When I look out my window, I see these little sticky notes left by @_jameskang_ earlier this year while I was getting situated in this space. I am grateful for our friendship and the way he (among others) believes, invests, and continues to support me. They hype me up even when I don’t believe in myself and am thankful for their consistent love, admiration, and encouragements. My community is beautiful and I need to remind myself that I am not doing this alone.
As I work/learn/realize/become/sit in who I am as not only an artist, but simply a human being...my hope is to live as my full self....constantly striving for more and believing in who I am.